Now It's time for some serious stuff...

Thinking a lot lately. It's up to you to decide whether or not it's me thinking too much. Since I tend to do that a lot i rarely notice it anymore... Anyway. Just been having an in-depth conversation about school. Seems that the general opinion about this year is that it's wasting our lives away. That we're just going there to do our time. It's like a jail sentence. I find myself constantly feeling stifled. I don't have any creativity anymore. I feel no spark, no inspiration. Not from school anyway. I'm having to find the time in my already busy life to make my own inspiration. It's not working very well. I'm constantly looking at the clock now. Counting down the weeks, the days until the weekend, the days until I don't have to go back because of holidays, the minutes before each bell rings, taking me to yet another death sentence. School is nothing. I don't learn, I take nothing in. I go home the same person I was when I left in the morning. It's dead. I look around and I don't see that much spirit anymore. I don't know if it's the new grade nines, or the loss of the old grade twelves that is making us lose ourselves but it must be something. I don't feel as much of a community as I did last year. I just don't feel it. I go to all of these meetings at lunch for committees and groups but i don't see the fire. I don't feel the flame. It's like they're just going to go and it's really not going to do anything to change their outlook or influence their lives. They're just there because. That's not the right reason. You have to want it. There's no want. There's no passion. We are just there. No reason at all. There because we have to be. The passion we used to have is gone. Life is meaningless. And that's why school causes me so much pain right now. For the first time in my life, I don't want it. I don't want it at all. Not only does it cause me all of this confusion, but it is separating me from my friends. My friends, my heart, my soul, my body, my mind. I can no longer channel my emotions so well. I am hiding. I am afraid, and I feel alone. And even so, I go to these meetings. I go to my classes. And i feel myself drifting from everyone else. Because they no longer go. It's coming full circle now. I am afraid.